In coaching, it is primarily the desired situation forward in time that one concentrates on. How you want life to develop from here on out. If old things come up that affect how you feel right now during coaching, we do not spend a lot of time and energy rooting in who has done what and why.

From here on out

If you really want to look ahead, you need to stop going back to what has happened again and again. For this to be possible, one must somehow find an acceptance for what has happened. As long as you feel anger, disappointment, frustration, revenge, etc., and are really unwilling to forgive, you still have your attachment to what has happened. There is nothing that keeps an old injustice in place as much as the feeling of having the right to feel hurt. It is almost impossible to create a positive change from that place. In that situation, coaching does not help at all.

Of course, looking ahead does not mean that you are not allowed to feel bad about things that have happened. Or that you mustn’t feel dark and strong emotions. On the contrary, it is good to explore your different emotions, and there are many amazingly liberating coaching exercises that you can use to do so. All emotions must be allowed. But you can also choose which emotions you prefer.

From here on out

If you feel ready to move on, even if it’s not easy, coaching is great! There is something very liberating and healthy about deciding to look ahead. For what has happened has happened. There is no therapy in the world that can change that. The only thing we can do right now is to choose how much we will allow it to affect us in the future.


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